Sunday, 10 March 2013

The Floating Anchor

The Oxford Dictionary defines an Anchor as “a heavy object attached to a cable or chain and used to moor a ship to the sea bottom, typically having a metal shank with a pair of curved, barbed flukes at one end”. One would assume, therefore, that for the anchor to reach the sea bottom (and given that it’s made of metal) it must sink. Unless I’m very much mistaken, the sole purpose of an anchor is to sink, to sink as low as it possibly can. With that in mind, I struggle to understand this:

Well, it’s not so much that I struggle to understand it, as that I get really, irrationally fucked off by it. The above demonstrates my point perfectly. Not only is it an anchor (the very definition of a sinking object) that refuses to sink, but it’s also an infinity loop, which just gets on my tits generally. I’m not sure why it annoys me as much as it does - maybe I think it’s just a little pretentious. Nothing in life is infinite, why pretend that it is?

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand the thought behind refusing to sink, it’s admirable. “Life won’t get the better of me; I’ll keep going and won’t be bogged down by any problems I may face”. Bravo, good for you. Don’t then team it with something that will always sink. Always. If you really do refuse to sink, incorporate a beach ball or a balloon into your tattoo – they’re much more fun than anchors anyway. Or a duck. Ducks are great at floating, and they’re cute.

You may say that I’m looking at the tattoo too literally, that it’s meant to be some clever juxtaposition between the anchor and the refusal to think; that it’s some kind of subtle irony. Would that it were, but a quick look at the caliber of people sporting the tattoo make this very unlikely. Very unlikely indeed. Fuck it, why not get a tattoo of a plate of meat with ‘100% vegetarian’ round the bottom of it? It makes about as much sense.

As a rule, I’m a fan of tattoos, but for God’s sake make them decent. They should either mean something (something proper, not pretentious bullshit that doesn’t work), or they should be interesting to look at. One or the other, or both, but not neither. On that note, I’m off to get a tattoo of some barbed wire.

Happily, today is Sunday. It's a bright and dry (if somewhat parky) day, my hairy faced other half has a day off work, the house is relatively tidy and I'm not far off finishing a little mini craft project - making some headphones tangle-proof (along the lines of these and I get to spend my afternoon drinking tea and watching Sherlock Holmes. It might not be everyone's idea of a good time, but it certainly is mine! 

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